Toy soldiers
by Celestial-Deadzones
Summary: When I made my decision to go to war, I never could have imagined it would last four long years.To make it even worse, it was four long years of journeying through the french countryside in search of a horse to repay one of my many debts to one man.Funny how war works, you save a life and you're in debt, not the other way around. Eventual Capt.Nicholls x OC
1. A home left behind

**Long steady road  
Oh travel, be kind  
I'm searching for some peace of mind  
The home that you know  
A home left behind  
Oh trouble, don't trouble this time.**

* * *

If you've just picked up this book you're probably quite lost, but that's what you get for opening it in the middle. You might be expecting to read a glorious tale about a prince saving a princess or some other type of fairytale containing love and happiness. I've learned that those types of stories do not exist, not here in this harsh reality anyways. A few years ago I would have never imagined that I'd be running around half of Europe trying to find a horse, oh not just any horse, this was specific horse. With white socks and a white star atop his glorious head. Now how exactly did I get in to this mess? Well that's up to you, all you must do is flip to the start of this book to find out.

* * *

It was a sunny day in Devon; I had arrived just a week before the cavalry had come to the small town. My older brother was sickly and dying; he had never married and lived alone, so it only made sense that I would take the three day journey to visit him in his last few days. My family stopped acknowledging his existence after he fell into alcoholism. Every connection he had with my mother and father was cut, yet I continued to send him letters. Soon his letters came in longer spaces of time, and each time they were a little bit more distant and sad. When I received a letter written by the town doctor regarding his remaining time I immediately decided to go.

"You can't be seriously thinking that you'll be fighting in the war!" I said in disbelief to my brother, who was attempting to stand up from his chair. He was as thin as a twig and feverish, he would never even make it to the street and here he was sure that he would fight. "They've called every able bodied man of age to fight, I want to go and fight for my country! Alexa, you must understand that!" He said before collapsing back into his chair with an angry sigh. I shook my head at him, my dirty blonde hair swinging back and forth "But you're sick! You must come to understand that you can't fight!" I paced across the room and picked up his wooden cane. "I will go in your stead brother" I practiced hobbling across the room with the cane "see! I can cut my hair and fake an injury or disease, that way I'll be undetected when I go! " I said with a forced smile, attempting to convince him. "Alexa, this is not one of your fairytales, this is a war. You are but a woman, a woman is unfit to fight" He said with disbelief at me even mentioning it. I put the cane down and walked to the back of his chair, "Alright brother, I understand and I apologize for even mentioning it, I'm very sorry Kinsey" and with that I hit him hard against the back of him head, he fell forwards off the chair and landed on the ground.

"I-I've killed him! Oh dear lord what have I done!" I pushed the chair away with shaking hands and knelt down beside my brother. I picked up his right arm and slid my hand to his wrist; I found a pulse there, shallow but there. He would be waking up with quite the headache, and when he awoke I was sure to be gone, ready to fulfill what may be his last wish. To serve his country, but since he's so unfit to go I will go in his stead. I hauled him into my arms and dragged him over to the bed, and pushed him into it. I then briskly strode to his dresser and picked up a pair of scissors, looking into the mirror I took my long hair into my hands and snipped it. A long stand fell to the floor and I stared at myself, was I ready to do such a thing? Was I ready to commit such a crime? All for the sake of my mess up of an elder sibling, to fulfill his wish while he crushed me and my parents hope of a happy family with his alcohol? I took another lock of my hair into my hand and cut it off. I felt my tears hit the floor as I cut my hair; I didn't stop until I had a head of short blonde hair. I gazed at my face, was it possible to pass as a man? My face was not that of an angel, it was thin and lanky, with a slightly more masculine jaw structure than most girls my age. I nodded to myself, yes I would do. While my brother always failed to come through with his promises I would make sure to fulfill mine.

Dropping the scissors to the dresser top I grabbed a satchel and emptied the contents, I threw in my journal, a pen and some ink. I went back to my brothers' room and rifled through the closet to find something that would fit me and hide the slight curve of my body. I picked out a clean brown work shirt; some ripped up and paint splattered slacks and a cap. I ventured to the medicine cabinet for some bandages to conceal my chest. I dropped the satchel onto the counter and began getting dressed.

After I had gotten dressed I pulled out a sheet of my journal and wrote a quick note to my brother for when he would awake.

_Dearest Kinsey, I apologize for that knock to your head, but I will not apologize for leaving. You'll thank me in the end; you would not last a day out there. While I'm gone be sure to watch your drinking and health, I'll send letters when possible. Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself. I'm doing this for you remember that always, I will not try and justify my actions to you any further. _

_Going once more into the fray, "Kinsey" (Alexa) Darwin_

I folded the paper up and tucked it into his coat pocket; I cast one last glance around the room." I promise brother, I will come home" and with that I walked out of the house. I stopped on the porch and wiped my hands onto the dusty wooden railings, I smeared some of the grime onto my face and clothing to appear a bit more masculine before continuing on my way.

When I arrived in the town square there were quite a lot of young men milling about. There was a couple of tables set up which seemed to be taking names for volunteers. I made my way over to the nearest table only to be knocked aside by a couple of young men who were grinning from ear to ear as if going into the war was a picnic. I got pushed backwards and nearly fell over before regaining my balance, one of them sneered at me "watch it you little sod, make way for the REAL soldiers" I ducked my head into line behind them, eager to just get signed up. After half an hour I was finally at the front of the line, I was indeed nervous when they asked all the questions, but apparently my disguise passed, I had been enlisted.

I sighed and rested my back against a wall; we wouldn't be setting out for a few hours so I had time to spare. I eyed the crowd of people curiously; there were a couple of horses being sold. My eyes became trained on someone who was obviously high military status; he seemed to be purchasing a large fine horse from an elderly man. That is until a young boy interrupted him, I could tell that the man was selling this boys horse, he looked heartbroken. My heart went out to the boy, especially when he attempted to enlist. Yet there was nothing to be done.

A hard tap to my shoulder turned my attention to the same group of young men who cut in front of me. The one who tapped my shoulder seemed to be the leader, "so signed up to fight did ye? I doubt a little shrimp like you could last even ten seconds out there" the rest of the small group chuckled at his _witty _remark. I nodded "Yes" I replied curtly turning my attention back to the boy and his horse, I didn't reply to any other things they asked or said to me, I just kept my eyes trained on the crowd. They eventually got bored and left, which left me against the wall relieved and nervous.

I spotted the man from earlier in automobile; it seemed he had purchased that fine beast in the end, what a great steed it would be to ride on. We walked and we walked for what felt like forever, my feet were sure to be sore and calloused the next day, I had been at the back of our march because of my cane, I was surprised they even let me join with the "limp" I had. We were soon assigned bunks at the barracks which were cramped and stuffy, luckily there were also a couple of private bathrooms for use, which meant that hiding my gender would be a tad easier. I fell asleep with a heavy heart in my chest, and fear in my head.

* * *

**And baby don't look back,  
Odds don't stack  
They just crumble down around you.  
Oh, you gotta go away if you wanna come back  
_Lyrics: I won't let you go - Hedley_**


	2. If you want to Succeed

"**Did they tell you  
You should grow up  
When you wanted  
To dream"**

* * *

The next day we were doing training exercises, which consisted of being taught how to handle a gun and how to take down a target, you know the basics. Half way through my third day at the camp, lieutenant Ashbury, the man who was teaching us to handle such weapons as grenades and evading enemy eyes called me and four other men out. He told us that they needed five more men to be trained for the cavalry from our group, men who could handle not only a gun but would be taught the skills of a sword. I was alarmed at that, I had never ridden a horse nor even held a sword; apparently I was a good enough shot with the gun.

We were all transferred to the barracks under Major Stewarts command; I was terrified of the man. I'd heard from mess hall talk that he led with an iron fist. His barracks were surprisingly nicer than the last I was in; there were single beds this time with cleaner sheets. I guessed that being in the cavalry got you higher status than foot soldier. We were soon told to report to the training grounds where we would first be taught how to wield a sword before how to ride a horse.

"In this war you must kill without emotion, do not hesitate to kill or you will be killed. You shall be given whatever horses we have left over, they may not be the cream of the crop but they will do for you. I expect you all to train amazingly well, for your country, your king, and your people." Major Stewart paced up and down our small line of soldiers, there were five of us. Or more correctly put there was them, and there was me. They were all close friends now, and I was on my own. "Is that clear soldier?" Major Stewart said to the man to the left of me he replied with a "ye-yes sir Major Stewart" They were all obviously terrified of the man, I had learned that I had no reason to fear him since I did what I was told and stayed out of the way. The majors scrutinizing gaze fell on my cane, "How do you expect to ride with a leg like that? I thought that the lieutenant sent the best men to me!" He snapped at me. "Major Stewart sir, I can shoot a gun and take out the enemy just as well as the next man. My leg will not be a weakness." I said nervously, my gaze met the majors and I looked him in the eye, he returned with a glare and a scoff. "So what if you fall off your horse? You'll be unable to run and the Germans will capture you, we can't go having you spill secrets about our military soldier, you'll just be a liability"

I ground my teeth together "Major Stewart sir, please give me once chance on a horse and I'm sure I'll be able to convince you otherwise. If in the case I do fall off I shall shoot myself before the enemy takes me" I met his glare with a pleading look, he walked over to the table that was set up and took a pile of swords, and he then began distributing them to our line. I stayed completely still, not expecting to have a sword handed to me. I was proved wrong when the major handed me one, "One chance Darwin, you waste that chance and you're off to the front lines. "

I could swear I saw a twinge of a smile upon his lips, but that might have just been my happiness making me see things that in fact, were not there.

* * *

The training had went as good as it could have, I had to set my cane to the side though as I practiced with the sword. I had quite a bit of trouble staying upright; the weight of it always sent me to the ground. The other men in my line would chuckle and scoff at me whenever that would happen. I kept practicing though, I would have to get it right or else I would be sent to the front lines, which would ensure my death.

After training we were sent to the mess hall, I sat once again wherever there was a seat. This time I ended up next to a couple of younger boys, who looked by their uniforms that they would be on the front lines. I nodded to them and took a seat, I hungrily began digging into the bowl of beans that was served today, it was indeed not the best meal I had ever eaten but it was at least something. The boy next to me tapped my shoulder politely, I looked up from my bowl and opened my mouth to speak although I was cut off by the boy "Excuse me sir, but are you the man who was promoted into Major Stuarts Company? The one with the limp?" I nodded my head, "yes what of it?" I said impatiently, my beans were getting colder by the minute. "Well sir, my friend here was out fighting a while ago, you know against them Germans. He tripped while avoiding a grenade and his leg is all messed up you see, and we here were wonderin' if you could help teach 'im to fight with a bad leg. Our entire company 'as heard of ye, you're sort of famous for standin' up to the Major"

I shook my head "I'm sorry but I've got my own injuries and training to worry about at the moment, I can't spare much free time to teach your friend" His smile fell and he pointed to his friend across the table "Please sir! Even if it's during dinner, any tips or suggestions you have, we'll take!" My hard expression broke and I began eating my beans once again, the boy beside me sighed and turned back to his own meal as well. I set my spoon down with a clatter into the empty bowl and turned to his friend who was done his meal as well. "I will tell you as much as I know, but it will be done only during dinner for I have my own problems to worry about, I expect to see you both here tomorrow." I used my cane to pull myself up, and then said to the boy "first thing you do is get a large stick good enough for a cane and clean it up for your friend, he'll probably need a cane of some sort to get around"

* * *

At the front of the room sitting at one of the long tables was Major Stewart, and Captain Nicholls. Their gazes followed the soldier until he was out the door, The Major turned to his friend and frowned " I doubt the boy has It in him to ride a horse, with that leg of his he'll likely fall as soon as he gets onto the beast" He sipped his drink leisurely "but you see, those other men that were sent to me are some of the best fighters I've seen in a while, healthy smart young boys they are" The captain sipped his own drink before turning to his friend " That one though, Darwin was it? From what you've told me he seems like a fine lad, a bit optimistic for the likes of war but I'm sure he's a good fighter."

The major chuckled "He's an injured boy with optimistic ideals, I seriously doubt that that'll get him far in this war" Captain Nicholls grinned "Just wait until you put him on a horse before you kick him out would you? Give the lad a chance"

* * *

**"Did they warn you  
Better shape up  
If you want to  
succeed" **

_Twilight galaxy- Metric_**  
**


	3. We're not ready to die

"**It's just another war  
Just another family torn  
Falling from my faith today  
Just a step from the edge  
Just another day in the world we live"  
**

* * *

The next day of training went better than the last; I had improved on my swings and jabs. Keeping up the guise of a solder with a limp was becoming harder and harder, I was tempted to just use my full weight of the leg once in a while since it was frustrating to learn how to wield a sword while trying to keep up the fake limp. I would not be able to drop the limp though; it ensured privacy to dress because not everyone was ecstatic about changing near such an unhealthy soldier. It seemed as though avoiding the injured was a type of superstition before going off to fight, men seemed to be afraid that the injury would pass on.

During the sixth day of training we were told that our skills would now be put to the test, we would be given a horse and taught the basics on how to ride them. I was terrified to say the least, I'd never ridden a horse in my life, and given the expressions of my comrades they'd either ridden before or ridden a _lot_ before.

We marched to the stables where the horses were, we were given a horse according to our body weight and size. We formed a line and were being given our horses, when it came my turn the major was holding out the reigns of a great grey horse. It was slightly dappled with black and had a few scars across its beautiful coat. The major thrust the reigns into my hands. "One chance Darwin, you mess that up and you're gone" I nodded and walked off with the horse. He seemed to be quite accommodating and quiet. A perfect horse for a soldier, he would be a wonderful companion. There was a tag around his bridle which read "Halle" in bolded scribbled letters, I patted his flank and whispered "we'll get along Halle, I'm sure of it"

We were taken back to the training grounds where we would be instructed on how to ride and fight at the same time. The _instructions_ were easy enough, tell the horse where to go and always keep your eyes on your target. I could tell that the Major thought that enough information, the first man got up onto his horse, he trotted around perfectly. As did the next three men, they were all trained to ride a horse beforehand, and did not need any training at all. It came my turn to get on top my horse; the Major had already excused the rest of the men for the day, because of their wonderful displays.

I used the stool to get up into the saddle, it was uncomfortable sitting atop Halle, I gripped the reigns with my hands and urged Halle into a trot, well I _tried _to make him trot, and he just stood there. I looked to Major Stewart who was still standing there with his arms crossed looking on with obvious disappointment. I patted Halle's head "c'mon boy, just trot forward a bit!" I sighed in frustration at his still unmoving body. "Your chance is wearing thin Darwin" Called Major Stewart, an idea popped into my head, I clicked my teeth slightly. Obviously nothing happened, so I flicked the reigns angrily "Go!" to my astonishment, and The Majors as well, Halle lurched forwards and began not a trot, but a canter towards the middle of the training ground. I tried flicking the reigns to the left, and slightly pushed my weight to the left, Halle obliged and did the same.

Here I was, a woman in the guise of a man with a limp, trotting around on a horse on a training ground, it was that moment that my mind finally went, 'Oh dear, I've really done it'

I brought Halle to a stop in front of the Major, and then attempted to get off the horse with my "limp" I slightly faltered and landed at an awkward angle on the ground. I pulled myself up out of the dirt and grinned, "We will be riding out in two days to fight, I expect you to perfect your riding skills and swordsmanship in that length of time, and you're excused to get dinner Darwin" Said the Major, I nodded in thanks and guided Halle back to the stables. I was grinning from ear to ear as I took Halle into the stables; he went into his stall easily enough. I patted his mane happily "good work Halle, you've made me proud!"

The clattering of a bucket made me turn around, I had thought that everyone was in the mess hall by now. "It's alright, It's just me no need to pull a gun" chuckled someone from another stall, I walked over and peered in, it was the same man who I now knew as Captain Nicholls, the man from Devon who purchased the horse. He was washing up his horse, the one with the white socks. "How did the riding go with Major Stewart?" he said with a smile, I saluted him and stood taller "very well Captain Nicholls sir" he chuckled once again "you're the one who stood up to the major I'm guessing? I'm glad that it went well, I had quite a large sum of money bet on your success." I tilted my head slightly in confusion, "I was unaware that there was a wager on me sir, I believe that the major was on the opposing side?" I inquired, careful not to overstep my boundaries. That light chuckle came again, and he smiled widely, "You'll be surprised to know that Major Stewart began betting on the same side as I after your performance? That took guts." I nodded my head in thanks to the captains compliment, "you're excused soldier, go get some dinner" he waved me on, I happily obliged to his command.

I arrived in the dining hall, there was the usual hum of talking and laughing, yet it all seemed to hold a sad tone to it. War was on the tip of everyone's tongues, the silent brooding over what was to come. I collected my beans and sat in the same seat as usual with the two boys, I had been teaching him little tips, such as how to use the cane and how to stand in the mud with a faulty leg. I was astonished to see that he began holding himself with more confidence; he had quite a bit more spring in his limp after the week of learning from me. I bitterly dug into my beans, the boy may hold himself with more confidence, yet my tips and knowledge were false, I didn't have a real limp, and strictly speaking I wasn't much of a real soldier.

"How did training go with the horses Darwin? Are you staying in the cavalry?!" Asked Charles, the boy with the limp, his friend Cain leaned forwards in his seat eager to hear my answer. "Yes, the training went well, I'll be remaining in the cavalry... We set out to fight in two days' time" I said sadly. "Two days? We're leaving in a week for France" Said Charles; we all had the same look about us, scared and nervous as we should be, what with the thought that during the war any of us could die.

We said our goodbyes and left the mess hall, and then I went to go train with Halle in the dwindling light. Seeing Halle again was wonderful, it brought back all those wonderfully proud emotions of just a few hours prior. I saddled him up as I had seen Major Stewart do, and opened the stall to take her out to the training ground. There was quite a lot of light being shed onto the field by the moon, the lights from the mess hall and lanterns. I got up onto him, obviously dropping my limp seeing as there was no one there. I trotted around with him, going around the fencing; it was quite a shaky ride, seeing as I had just learnt how to ride him. Halle stopped quite a few times; luckily I was able to get him trotting again. The moon had disappeared behind a couple of clouds, and I realized that it was well past the time I should be up. Even the lights from the Majors and captains quarters were out by now. It was silent, and the only thing I could hear was the heavy breathing of Halle.

I brought him back into his stall; where I locked him back in. There was the sound of hushed footsteps coming from the training ground, I froze where I was standing and stared into the dark. After no one walked past me I decided it was most likely a rat or some other type of rodent and left for the barracks.

* * *

I suppose it's time I addressed _you _dear reader, you've been with me throughout the start of this journey. I, apologize, for I don't quite have time to write of anything that happened today, my last day here at the camp. We'll be traveling today to France; we're to set out any time now so I must close this journal up and put it into my bag. I'm scared but I'm glad that my brother is not out here, I've sent a letter him with a page of this journal, so if you're wondering about the page ripped out at the back that's why. Oh it seems we've been called, I'll write later if at all.

* * *

"**Who's gonna fight for what's right  
Who's gonna help us survive  
We're in the fight of our lives  
And we're not ready to die"  
**

_Hero-skillet_**  
**

* * *

_Thank you Stephanie for the review! It's really appreciated C: I would definitely love some more opinions on my story so far, so feel free to leave a review! But don't feel obligated to C: I have at least 4 more chapters already written, because I only post a chapter when I write another one, that way I always have chapters to post if need be (like in case I get really busy for a while) _

_See you all next chapter!-Celestial  
_


	4. All my faces are alibis

**This is not the man I hoped to be  
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding  
I don't know how to word it  
I just started to deserve it  
And all my, all my faces are alibis  
And me, I'm half the man I wanted to be  
**

* * *

I suppose I must write this part for you to read, but I'm not sure it's something I'd enjoy putting into words. But then again, you might enjoy reading this. I don't even quite know who _you _are. Well whoever you are, you're likely getting quite bored of my rambling on. Let us continue:

The journey to France was long and tiring, I never got to see Charles and Cain before I left but I believe it's for the better. We'll be riding out in the morning to fight, there's supposedly a field where the Germans are, twice our numbers they are, I reckon we'll have quite a hard time beating them.

My fear is showing through isn't it? Whether it is my rushed and messy handwriting or my general apathy towards the fact that the Germans are TWICE our size you've likely been able to tell that I'm terrified, you've probably been able to tell since the start of this book. I miss the quiet life of a woman; we weren't exposed to such violence and fear of charging against Germans. Being around men all the time is starting to make my head hurt, if I have to watch another drunken fight between soldiers I'll give myself a _real _limp.

That morning we saddled up, Major Stewart gave a very _not _inspiring speech that seemed quite like the one he gave me and my little group of trainees back a few weeks ago. He needs to read some more books, and then perhaps he'll learn to say more inspiring speeches.

We led the horses towards tall gold grass; I was stationed to the back of the charge, along with the rest of our little group of five trainees. The silence before we got atop our horses was deafening, no one spoke, and all you could hear was the mingled breaths of the horses and soldiers. Major Stewart signaled us to get upon our horses; I "struggled" to get up, but managed in the end. We sat there, I looked across to a couple men, one of whom was silently crying, and the rest seemed to be ready, unafraid.

Oh how foolish we were.

There was a flurry of hooves, and we were off. I somehow got in front of a few horses and was charging straight though, slaughtering any Germans beside or in front of me. I cut many with my sword, and it seemed to be a winning battle. I leapt over a knocked over pot and with fear saw that in the distance, in the trees there were nests of machine guns set up.

The pounding of adrenaline in my ears told me to turn back, run and live another day. I watched as the first line fell, I couldn't see if the major had been taken down or not. I spotted a flag upon the horse with the white socks, Captain Nicholls horse. He wasn't turning around as so many others were doing, deserting those at the front. "FORWARDS HALLE!" I shouted to my mount, we sped toward the fray, into the midst of fighting. I discarded my sword and pulled a pistol. Shooting as many as I could to get where I was going. The thundering of hooves and the screams of the dying sent me forwards with a new determination.

Captain Nicholls was just in my reach, just close enough to gr-

The machine gunner hit the rider in front of Captain Nichols dead on, he would be next. His horse swerved to miss the falling rider and that's when I saw my opening.

I reached out with my hand and gripped the captain's arm; Halle was right beside his horse now, close enough for me to slide him onto my horse. His mount wasn't going to change direction, not that it mattered, he wasn't going to be shot, not if I could help it anyways.

With one large tug on the captain I pulled him off his horse, he shouted in dismay as I veered Halle off to the right, He jumped up to avoid a tree stump and it was then that the bullets bit into his flank. The captain and I were sent flying through the air, hitting the ground with a sickening thud. I quickly pulled him to his feet and began leading him off into the forest.

We were sure to be followed seeing as the German gunner had seen us pull away. "What have you done!" yelled the captain at me in anger; I understood just why he would be angry, as the rest of our company was slaughtered while I made him run off. "You would have been killed!" I shouted equally loudly at him, "Do you want to be slaughtered alongside everyone else! Why not live and go back another day to shoot those bastards who killed them all!" I shouted in-between breathes. We were not far from the battle, and the sounds had already died down. "Yes! I would have rather been killed honorably alongside my men rather than be the only one that lives!" he retorted. He said he would rather die yet he kept running I observed.

"Captain Nicholls! Are you daft? THERE ARE PROBABLY OTHERS. Do you think that the Germans wouldn't make off with a few prisoners of war for bartering purposes? And with a Major leading the charge no less! So stop complaining about being given the chance- To save someone else!" I roared at the man, we were lost in the French countryside with the Germans on our tails; it was hardly a good time to argue about my actions

"Let us worry about that later Captain; we have bigger problems on our hands at the moment" I said with an even voice.

The sun was slowly being covered by dark clouds, it looked like a storm was to be brewing and with it, our footsteps washed away. "We'll stop running soon, we'll hide somewhere the Germans won't get us, somewhere with lots of cover and vegetation, some fallen trees or a cave would do, perhaps even if we climbed a tree and hid until nightfall, or rested until the storm started up. We'll have to move in the dark and sleep with the sun; it'll be easier to navigate past any German patrols."

I was surprised to say the least; Captain Nicholls had just been absolutely horrified and terrified not a few moments before. But this was the reason he was _captain _Nicholls, he knew to take charge and keep a calm head in a situation such as this.

"Yes sir, there seems to be a lot of underbrush over to the left if you'd like to check it out" I nodded to the left where there was quite a few fallen trees taken over by dead leaves and vegetation, it might very well be the perfect hiding spot. The captain veered off to the left, slowly down to a jog and finally stopping in front of the fallen trees. He paced around the spot eyeing the leaves and occasionally looking to me, I stood there straight waiting for him to make a decision. "It will work, but we'll need to gather a few pieces of wood and other dried out vegetation if we want to remain completely unseen. If you'd gather that I'll begin digging out the ground under the logs for a bit more room for cover. "

I nodded and left the captain, I was terrified walking around, I stayed within his eyesight and him within mine, I wouldn't like to come back and see the captain missing, taken by Germans or deciding to leave me here in the forest. I shook my head and dispelled all thoughts of Germans from my head at the moment, and focused on the task given to me.

It was easy finding large broken branches for the shelter, there was quite a lot lying around seeing as we were in the middle of a forest. The sun was setting by the time I had gotten my arms completely full of branches for the shelter; I walked back to where captain Nicholls was waiting with his arms crossed. He impatiently tapped the side of his leg, which made me get there quicker seeing as he was my superior and I must do as he ordered.

"That'll do for the shelter" said Nicholls. He didn't thank me, which really wasn't expected seeing as he was cross with me saving his life and all at the moment. "Sir, would you like me to start building it up? Or should I continue cleaning out the inside or the shelter?" I asked in a dull voice. "I've finished the inside of it as well as possible, we'll both work on the branches" He answered without even looking at my face.

We set to work on the branches, not one of us said anything to the other. In his mind was most likely the words 'deserter, traitor' I guess they really were correct. I had deserted my post and dishonored my country, he was right to despise me. In fact, if I was in his place, I would hate myself just as much as I did now, if not even more.

The shelter would hide us; it was crafted well thanks to captain Nicholls training. With the sun now set, we chose to sleep and then travel during the day and through the night. And finally sleeping the next day, I didn't ask him his plan, of whether or not we would try and locate our last base of operations. I think he was really planning on going back, I could see the way he would look around with that hollow look in his eyes, eyes that had just witnessed a horrible mistake. It wasn't his fault that we went into such a losing battle; it was more the fault of Major Stewart who led it.

I tried not to think of all the people I had killed, all the people on our side that were killed. And in general all the lives that were lost, regardless of which side of the war they were on. I saw things during that battle, which I didn't even want to look back on. I did things that I never could have thought myself capable of doing. I was no longer the odd girl back in my hometown, or the sister of one of the town drunks in Devon. Nor was I even the limping soldier who stood up to Major Stewart and successfully rode a horse, no I was not longer that person, or those people. I was now someone who killed, and left their comrades during the fight to rescue but one man, on impulse no less. I was indeed a traitor and a coward.

Captain Nicholls crawled into the shelter, and then moved to one side so I would have enough room to get in. I pushed a branch away and lowered myself in-between the branches to the cold dirt. I looked to captain Nicholls who was already turned over ready for sleep. "You take the first watch, wake me up for mine. Under no circumstances fall asleep" the captain gruffly ordered. "Yes sir" with my answer he rolled over and handed me a pocket watch to keep the time. I nodded and took it in my hand, the metal was cool on my fingertips, and it wasn't for decoration that was for sure. This was a military man's pocket watch, clean silver with only the faintest design around the edges, I flipped it open to look at the inside, in the shallow moonlight I could see the faintest writing around the inside edges but for the life of me could not read it. The time read 12:57; I decided to wake him up at two in the morning for his shift.

The night-time watch went surprisingly well, besides jumping at every sound. Once I could have sworn I could hear a deer munching on leaves to the left of me which of course caused me to jump. I looked over to the captains sleeping form; he lied straight with his knees brought up slightly seeing as there wasn't quite a lot of room in the shelter. I was pondering as to why he hadn't asked about my lack of a limp, but then I realized that he must still be in shock. All those men killed, all because of the wrong course of action. At this point in time it would have made sense if I began crying for my lost comrades, but I couldn't even do that. It would be spitting upon their graves to have such mockery as myself, no I wasn't even a mockery I was exactly what I had thought earlier, I was a coward.

The time came when I had to wake up the captain, I nudged him awake and handed him the watch. I crawled back down and removed my cap, using it as a pillow.

I lay there listening to the sounds of the forest, my nervous breathing and the calm and collective breaths from the captain. I eventually fell away into a sleep.

* * *

**Most times it all comes out wrong  
I don't know the words but I'll hum along  
There's nothing famillar here anymore  
To anyone or anything left to feel alive**

_alibis- marianas trench_**  
**

* * *

_I hope you all enjoy chapter4!  
Hahaha this story escalated really quickly  
_

_Stephanie:_  
Thank you so much! I'm glad that the whole "holding the book" idea worked out well C: As for naming the horse Halle I really have no idea, I wanted a name that wouldn't be to hard to write but would still be memorable haha. Oh and spoiler alert, Alexa never gets super buddy buddy with Captain Nicholls until farther in, seeing as there's going to be a lot of hate and guilt mixed into their relationship. Yes I'm really trying to stay away from the whole Perfect mary sue thing! It's really hard to work around actually, because a lot of the situations she'll be put in require her not to mess up, but I still want her to make enough mistakes to learn from them without getting killed or anything lol. Ah yes the monthly issues! That almost slipped my mind, so thanks for the reminder, it wouldn't be realistic at all if I didn't address that, so thank you! Your review made me smile so much! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well :)

until next time! C:


	5. One beat wrong

**The stickler is you've played not one beat wrong  
You never promised me anything  
Even sat me down, warned me just how they fall  
And I knew the odds were I'd never win  
**

* * *

Hooves beating, people shouting and guns blazing. Sharp swords slicing through the air, slowly losing sight of the major as the sound of machine guns deafens my ears. A horse with white socks and the captain, reaching outwards to catch his shirt collar and save him. My arm misses by an inch and the agonizing sound of his scream pierces my ears. My horse Halle throws me from the saddle, flying through the air at a blinding speed. The ground littered with bodies and horses slowly comes in contact with my body, and with a sickening thud I-

I woke with a start, drenched in sweat and my hands shaking. I wiped my brow which was covered in sweat with my right hand and turned to the captain who had awoken me. He was staring at me intently with a look of, what was it, guilt in his eyes? I saw a flicker of whatever it was and then it was gone, replaced by the eyes of a captain. "You were shaking and muttering in your sleep, I thought I would wake you and inform you that it's morning. I've decided on a more beneficial course of action, we'll go and back track to the German camp and try to rescue the POW's that they've most likely taken. It'll mean that our every action must be carefully done, any less and we will be killed and the lives of those prisoners will be compromised. Do you understand me?" He said quite punctually, I nodded to his order. He made to move one of the braches and get out of our little shelter.

"Captain, I understand why you're angry with my actions. But I will not ever regret saving you yesterday, and I will _never _apologize" I stared intently at the form of the captain. He did not respond to me, so we both sat there, me crouching with my head held high and hands shaking. And him kneeling with one hand on the rough and cracked bark of a branch.

"Let's begin our hike to the outskirts of the German camp, do you have a gun?" The captain asked, "Yes sir"

And with no other word on the matter, we began our walk into the area of our enemy.

We stayed as quiet as mice, crouching in bushes and then advancing towards the way we came from. I held my gun as steady as possible in front of me with both me hands ready to pull the trigger if need be, I was sent ahead of the captain, so that if a patrol went by I'd be the first seen and most likely shot. He'd given me orders to watch the west, while his eyes were trained on our tail to see if we were being followed from behind. We were probably about a kilometer from the German camp by now, judging by the amount of time we'd ran from them and the amount of time we'd already walked back.

I signaled to the captain to continue walking and that the area was clear. He jogged up with his gun in hand, nodding to my signal. We crept past an outcrop of rocks and crouched low, surveying the area downhill of us. There were merely a few bushes too small for German soldiers to hide behind, and a few large boulders scattered around the bases of the trees. They were our main concern; a soldier could crouch there with little to no difficulty.

The captain pointed me in the direction of a much larger outcrop or rock. We were at such an angle that we could see the perimeter of the rock. I nodded to him in understanding and made my way silently to the rock pile

My boots crunched the leaves underfoot, making me wince at the noise. My hands were sweating profusely and shaking slightly to top it off. I took a large breath to calm myself as I slowly half crouched/ ran to the outcrop. There was a point where it was open right before I would get to the rocks, which meant that if someone was watching close enough from behind the rocks I would be seen. I breathed out and closed my eyes for a moment, before opening them once again with determination. I couldn't screw this up, the captains and the POW's lives were depending on me at this moment, if I was seen it was all over.

I dived across the short distance to the area behind the boulders. I skidded on the dirt and dead leaves of the forest floor clumsily. Once my body stilled against the ground I lay there eyes wide open in fear.

Had someone seen me?! Was there a German gunman making his was over here to kill me? Had they seen Captain Nicholls?

I clutched my gun tightly, daring to not even breathe.

Something large slammed into my body, I whipped the gun around and pointed it right at…

"What the hell are you doing?!" The captain was glaring at me, crouched beside me and dusting off his jacket. "No, what the hell are _you _doing?! I thought you were a bloody German!" I whispered angrily before moving my gun away from his head. "You were supposed to go around the perimeter! Not lie down in the damn dirt and take a nap! And you will respect your superiors! Don't talk like that to me!"

"Yes well…" I became flustered and forgot what I was going to say. I gave up with thinking up an explanation for the captain and settled for an apology.

"I'm very sorry sir, it will not happen again I assure you" I lowered my gaze and hung my head in apology. "Fine, we'll sneak around the rocks and try to get a clear idea if there's any one there or not. You're to go first again Darwin"

This time I tried much harder at fulfilling my orders better, I did not want to appear foolish once again.

I stayed low the entire time, keeping my eyes trained on the areas all around me I crept around to a slightly raised section of land where I could see the other sides of the rocks from.

I peered around the entire twice to make sure I was correct before signaling the captain to come over. There wasn't a soul behind those boulders, much to my relief. The captain joined me and surveyed for himself before giving me his next plan of action.

"We'll continue on the way we're going, since we're getting closer to enemy territory there's sure to be at least one patrol going if not two. You'll go ahead and secure the east and west alone, I'll follow behind and watch your back for any patrols. If you are seen you shoot, then get out of that area as fast as you can because there's sure to be someone checking out the sound of a gunshot. We'll meet up after you walk about a mile, wait there for me behind some shelter, try to get your back to something. I trust you'll follow through with these orders" He drew a small map in the dirt of where the Germans were most likely at "since we came out of the charge at an angle and entered the forest here" he pointed to a X in the dirt. "There's sure to be German camps along here and here" he drew a line which would be to the right of my path, which meant that running across someone was most likely, definite.

"I understand sir, I'll go secure the east and west, but what happens if we are split up?" I asked with a frown at the thought of being lost in enemy territory without an ally.

"Well Darwin, if we get separated then get to the edge of the forest where the German machine guns where, but about a mile downwind from it, then try and make your way to where our encampment is and inform them of our situation, but only do that if I don't get to the meeting point by day break."

Captain Nicholls wiped the map in the dirt away with his gloved hand and then stood. "Do not be a hero Darwin, do what you must and get your mission accomplished. I wish you the best of luck" The captain said tonelessly, seeing as he obviously did not care what may happen to me.

"Same to you sir" I saluted and turned on my heel leaving the captain behind me to watch my back and scout for patrols while I walked towards the east.

* * *

**Long for one last showdown  
from a box in the crowd, air compressed tight to explode  
I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out  
as you disappear in a puff of smoke  
**_half-life-Imogen heap_

* * *

_Hello everyone! Sorry for the very late posting of this, but school started up and I'm a bit sick at the moment so writing time is sort of hard to come by sadly. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I know that there's not a lot of action happening right now and it's sort of repetitive but I've tried really hard to put some foreshadowing in there (you have to look REALLY hard to see it) and some other little tidbits about their relationship, keep in mind that it's from the perspective of Alexa and she's still quite naive and doesn't quite understand the captains personality yet, but as the story goes on we'll see more sides of the captains now I'm trying to really provide a base for their relationship because they need something to go on other than "woah darwin u a girl, u got sum boobs hot digittydangit" or something along those lines. Please point out any errors/things to improve on! Until next time my dear readers C:  
_

Review responses: Stephanie: Thank you darling :D I'm glad that you enjoyed it! And yes his death in the movie was so sad, that's actually why I decided to write a fanfiction where he against all odds is not shot. You always seem to figure out a bit of my story in your reviews ;D Youve gotten something right, that will be happening in the future :D_  
_

Zepheira: Thank you bro! I always love your comments and ideas about my writing, and yes I'll be sure to keep posting chapters!

_See you all next time! :D _


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